


Pulse

by laviie



Category: sweet pool
Genre: Angst and Feels, Hurt/Comfort, I love these two and I have a mighty need of writing some hurt/comfort, Lots of kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8767486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laviie/pseuds/laviie
Summary: You were better off ignoring your own feelings, at some rates.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, seriously, I have done nothing productive for weeks now since I started playing this game...  
> Is that, I'm so in love with this game... And the characters... I'm just so weak...??  
> So I wrote something for these two kids and the way they've taken over my life... I didn't see many works told from Testuo's POV, so I thought hey, why not?? I hope my feelings didn't mess up the characters too much...  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!! It's not too awesome, but still..

Your eyes tired, you silently sigh and raise your aching head from the ridiculously small typed quote you were stuck reading since last Monday. It was tiring as hell, not being able to concentrate on your readings the way you usually did, but as you massaged your temples you thought that, with everything that had happened around you since a few weeks before the end of the first semester, it was only natural focusing didn't come as easy as it used to.

With a distracted look, you glanced towards the desk you used to sit at until a month ago and the plain black bag that now hanged from it. It sure was a spot your eyes stopped on often, and you tried making up the excuse, in your mind, that with such a pale body, the thin figure sitting in your place was only meant to capture your attention. But with the graceful way his hands moved and that undeniable sadness in his eyes, the reason you never moved your gaze too far from Youji was far from being pure boredom. It wasn't something you liked thinking about, though. You were better off ignoring your own feelings at some rates.

 

So lost in your own thoughts, you almost didn't hear the sound of the bell ringing the end of the schoolday. As boys and girls' chattering filled the air, you slowly stood up from your seat, your own height intimidating more than you remembered, and cast a meaningless look outside the window. Those who attended last class down on the first floor were already walking outside the school gates, their dark heads from above looking much like simple dots, their bags safened across their growing chests. You wondered if you ever were perceived also as minuscle as they were to you now. It sort of scared you, in a way. 

As you moved your eyes far from the window, you were met with the only student still packing his stuff, his porcelain-white skin shining in the mellow orange light of the afternoon, dust dancing around like magic. There was a romantic kind of tenderness in the way his hair cut deep black lines on his forehead and around his ears. You looked at the thin edge that separated his neck from his jaw, and spontaneously raised your hand to the same spot on your own body. It was strange, the effect his soley presence had on you. It made you feel _much_ , _much_ warmer than you were used to. Maybe, in truth, he made you feel much less _alone_. You never even had a proper conversation, so it was both stupid and childish you felt that way about him, but no amount of thinking could've been able to reason against the way your pulse fastened so everytime you saw him.

 

You didn't realize you were staring until he raised his dark eyes, meeting your gaze. A warm chill ran through your spine. You meant to open your mouth and say something, but every word would've been meaningless. You weren't one for small talks, anyway. Because you could've dropped about a hunded topics to talk about- even just a silly “ _Why is your lunch always in the trash bin_ ” kind of question – _Thinking about it though, that same question might have been much more personal than you meant it to be, so pushed it aside instead_ \- or an even sillier, like a “ _Hey, are you also walking to the station_ ” kind of one. Even if no, you never walked to the station.

Realizing you were willing to walk out of your way to spend more time with him made your punches close tightly without you thinking.

 

You ended up saying nothing. You just walked past him instead, your cold eyes staring at the door you were only a few steps away from. There was a group of girls chatting carelessly just outside the class, one of them looking oddly familiar, but you were really hoping the gossip she was telling was more important to her than recognizing your face. Perhaps you were more concerned about Youji eventually assisting the scene than anything actually happening. You immediatly shook the thought off your head. You really, _really_ didn't have to start thinking about stuff like that if you wanted to stay sane.

 - Ah, Testuo, wait.-. You pretended you didn't hear her when one of the girls looked up at you, you just walked down the alleyway, maybe fastening your pace, but you really didn't pay much thought to it. You could sense her glaring at you behind your back. You silently sighed through your nose and took the emergency stairs, always looking as composed as you could. You didn't really walk down the stairs though, you sat down halfway through the second and the first floor; being it an emergency exit, no one ever walked there unless there was a fire or an earthquake and the students had to evacuate the building quickly. The reason you sat there, you felt your breath kind of funny, your chest tight; at the same time, you really didn't feel like going home already. There was a strangely nice smell of dust, the only source of light coming from a small window halfway through the stairs. The glass must have broke, so they replaced it with a thick blue temporary plastic panel instead. It didn't look particularly good, but dyed the sunlight bright blue. It gave an almost eerie atmosphere to the whole staircase, and probably in another moment you woulnd't have liked it, but you felt like you needed some peace, an that was the perfect place to stay for now.

 

You moved your bag on your lap, opened it and looked for some sort of leftovers from lunch or anything you could nibble at. If your mind wasn't failing you, there wasn't going to be anything in your bag since you really weren't one to eat that much, but you found a small package of cheese chips. It looked pretty stepped on and was probably there since the beginning of the schoolyear, but you didn't mind much. You opened it and as you started munching on a chip, you got lost deep in your thoughts again. You weren't really sure why, but you though of Youji. Not him in general, his hands in particular. His bony knuckles, the way his fingers were a pale pink and were so clean and tidy. You wondered if the lines of his palms were as deep as yours. You looked down at your own hands, tracing your lifeline. It was pretty short. Now, you weren't one to blindly believe in any sort of future-tellers or something like that, but it _did_ have a certain effect on you somehow, even if you didn't want it to. It was much like Youji in a way- you didn't mean to, but you ended up obsessing with him anyway. In that moment, you wondered if Youji's lifeline was longer, or if it was as short as yours. You really hoped it was longer, despite his health problems and his much gossiped frequent visits at the hospital. You never really got what was wrong with him; some said he had mental problems in the beginning of the year, but his teachers soon put an end to that rumor by openly explaining he was very weak _physically._ They only got that far with explaining though, and in some ways it wasn't as satisfying to you, but there wasn't much you could do or say to change that. You weren't much nosy in reality, you didn't care much about most people. Obviously enough, Youji was your exception, one you felt particularly guilty of.

You lost track of time, and without even seeing the sunlight, you really couldn't tell what time it was anymore. You could've checked on your phone, but weren't worried about it enough to go through the trouble of turning it on and all, so just let it sit at the bottom of your bag. You were out of chips- you realized just now-, and really didn't have much to do anymore. Your legs were getting cold from sitting on the iron stairs, so you stood up and stretched a bit, the smell of dust filling your nosedrills. It was the moment you were about to leave the door opened and another person walked in from the main alleyway. In the dim blue light, you looked up and were met with two dark eyes, painfully expressive. _Youji_ , his name formed on your lips like a kiss.

 

He wasn't much of a talkative one, and you couldn't tell if it was simply him being anxious or him being completely disinterested in relating to others. Judging soley by his eyes, you could tell he was a nervous person: his pupils always looked so wide, and his body seemed constantly tense, his shoulder in a particular manner. He gave you a small look, then gazed down at his shoes. He pondered whether your presence there was a good enough reason to leave, you could tell because even with his head down he alternated his gaze between you and the floor. Eventually deciding, he sat down far up from where you stood, you looked at him like you weren't taking it personal, and sat back down, this time with your back against the wall opposite to him, and pretended to do something with your phone. You had nothing in particular to do, but you suddenly felt as having your limbs frozen was much better than having them warm but going home and neglecting Youji's presence. Not that you'd let him see that, though.

With your eyes staring blankly at an empty spot on your phone screen, you would sometimes glance up at Youji, only to see him with his face rested on his palm, a cocoa milk paper can in his hand. That was the most unhealthy thing you ever saw him drink- or eat, for the matter. He had some books out of his bag and a notebook on his lap, you assumed he was studying- _a wave of almost-guiltiness hit you remembering exam week was coming up, and you didn't start reviewing yet_ -. A few pages after, he closed his notebook and let out a very faint sigh. That moment, a thought filled your head and made you much warmer than you were before: he did everything with much delicateness. He breathed so that he didn't make a sound, talked little and never too loud, styled his hair to cover his eyes a bit. That kid, he really didn't want to _exist_. That was your though, and even if if wasn't supposed to, it rose an invisible mind to your lips.

You believed Youji would've left the second he finished his homework, but he didn't. He sat there, silent, with his milk in hand. He would sometimes take a bored, short sip, always silently and without ever sounding gross- without ever making a sound at all. You were trying hard to neglect him, but your eyes kept looking up at him. He didn't seem to notice, maybe he just didn't want you to know he was noticing it, but if he was pretending, he was an extraordinary actor. The air felt heavy all of sudden. Now, without the flipping of pages and the quiet sound of books moving restlessly from his lap to the floor just by his side, the whole staircase was drowned in dead silence. You didn't mind it much, but you could tell it made Youji nervous. If that was the case, he could just leave, you though. But he didn't.

You could swear you caught him looking at you for a moment. Your chest felt warm. Maybe he wanted to talk? You weren't sure what on Earth he wanted to talk about, but you were sort of intrigued by the idea.

\- Is that all you ever eat?-, you bluntly asked. It came out much harsher than you meant it, and he abruptedly moved his face to look at you. His lips parted, but closed soon after, his eyes following his chin down towards his shoes. - I... guess.-. His voice wasn't particularly expressive, but it wasn't cold. It felt tired- everything about Youji felt tired. That was the end of your conversation. It didn't last much, and sure didn't feel as satisfying as you meant it to, but pushing on that same topic wasn't that much of a good idea. He didn't really care talking about his milk, probably, and much likely it was a stupid consideration of yours to bring something that trivial up as a convo-starter. You believed you just played your cards wrong, so you put your phone back in your bag, ready to leave and head home. Just as you started moving, Youji opened his mouth again.

\- A girl upstairs called for you before.-, he said.

 

Sort of suprised he had the nerve to be bold enough to bring up a topic like that, you sat down again, closer to him then you were before. - Yeah.-, you slightly nodded. You really weren't too good at keeping up conversations, in reality. - _... Yeah._ -, Youji repeated, lips bitterly pressed together. You wondered if this same topic you were trying to avoid might have been the right one to bring up to get this pale body to talk to you. - You know what she wanted?-, you asked. He looked back at you, not expecting you to actually talk again. You suprised him just as much as you suprised yourself. -... Ah, I...-. He started, but paused, collecting his thoughts. - I sort of overheard her talking.-, he sighed slowly. The way his chest raised when he breathed was suddenly the only thing you could think of.

\- Oh.-, you said, not paying too much attention, only as much as you needed to don't lose track of the shifting topic. - Talking to her friends?-, you asked. He nodded, embarassed, and put an hand on his cheek, covering half his face. - Were you two... _together_?-, he suddenly asked. Your eyes moved deep inside his, two black holes devouring you. The blue light bouncing off his face's edges made him look ghostly pale, with the thin dust dancing around in the air. _You're beautiful_ , you were about to say that, you really were. Your mind was wandering off in places so deep you barely know they existed, and your fingers curled into a punch by your hips. You weren't sure of how you managed to stop your own voice from coming out, but you somehow did. Thank _God_ you did.

 

\- … Yeah.-, you simply answered. - We were.-. - Oh.-. Youji's voice had a small shade of disappointment in it, but you weren't sure if you were only imagining it or if it was truly that way. Everything went silent again. You already missed Youji's voice, your ears open trying to catch even the smallest echo of it in the air. - Was she being a bitch about it?-, you asked. You really couldn't care less, but if that was something that Youji apparently was interested about, you had no reason to be a dick and say nothing at all. He looked at you, wondering about your talkative mood, and sort of shrugged, his thin shoulders pointy under his blue shirt. - She wasn't being _that nice_ about it.-, he corrected you, without actually meaning to. Catching your eyes on him again, he looked away and kept talking very, very slowly. - One of her friends talks about you all the time. She probably was mad... Maybe she misses you, so her friends talking about you... It hurts.-, he said. - … Was her friend wearing loose white socks?-, you asked. He tried remembering that same detail. - … Yeah....-, - Oh, I know her.-. You were actually _dating_ her, or that is what she liked saying. You actually just hanged out when you weren't too busy with schoolwork. She took it pretty personal though.

 

\- … People talk about you a lot, you know.-, he said then. You were sort of suprised, and looked at his profile and the way the light rested upon his eyelids. - It's not easy forgetting about you.-. Not sure why, that felt like a punch in the stomach to you. You sighed silently, and moved up a few stairs, sitting stairs close enough to him for your elbow to faintly touch his knee. He looked down at you, and bit his lip as he moved his gaze to the blue little window on the other side of the staircase. - _It's not easy._ -, he repeated, murmur so low you barely heard it. The moment you looked up at him again, the warmth in your chest started burning in each and every single one of your muscles, spreading from your heart all the way to your shoulders, down your arms, your palms.

You stood up, unsure of how to control your own body, and took a single, long stride towards Youji. You hovered over him, your tie brushing against his chest, the shadow casted from your figure much larger than you remembered, and moved your head gracelessly towards his white, long neck. You pressed your lips hard against his pulsing veins, sensing a chill on the skin of his arms yours were against. He felt so cold under you, you almos wondered if he was alive at all.

You thought he was going to fight you, push against you until he was too weak to move anymore, but he wasn't. The second you kissed him, an invisible tension in his body melted, his eyes fell closed slowly as he moved his head to open his neck more. Your hands moved up his forearms to his thin elbows, you were kissing him always harder, the memory flashing behind your closed eyes of his pure white body making your chest tighten as a burning desire of painting him blue took over your mind. A small cry escaped his lips, you could tell how hard he was trying to keep his voice down by the tension in his neck as you kissed a choker around it. Your hands didn't want to let go of him ever again.

 

His wrists stiffened as he closed his hands in two punches, it was getting harder for him to breathe so his breaths were becoming irregular and short, his warm voice suffocatd behind his thin lips. You moved up to his jawline, his chin, his nose's bridge, his eyelids, his cheekbones. You thought about none of this as you did it, but hesitated before kissing his lips. They were shut closed, dyed pale pink, and your stomach tightened imagining how soft they must have felt. His breath raspy against your mouth, he opened his eyes slowly when you stopped moving. He met your eyes, you didn't mean them to feel cold but couldn't help wonder if they were obeying you at all. You could tell from how he looked at you deeply, he was wondering if _he did something wrong_. If he did something that made you _stop_. You got scared for a second, pure fear freezing your blood.

You said nothing, but looked down at his lips, needy feelings bubbling behind your temples. He followed your gaze, his cheeks slowly started burning red. His eyes back inside yours, you looked up at him again. You watched his thin eyelashes casting romantic shadows on his cheekbone as he moved shyly closer. A sense of satisfaction unlocking your mind, you aimed for his mouth and pulled him in the deepest kiss you could, your lips pressed together, completing eachother like puzzle pieces. You felt him breathing heavily, his hands moving behind your head as his back spread down on the stairs, your shadow absorbing him in the darkness. You were out of breath after what felt like a thousand kisses, pulled away the second your lungs were empty and stars started flashing behind your eyelids. Youji's head fell back, a loud gasp for air escaping his mouth, his chest moving fast. You looked at him breath and pure white filled your head. _I'm so screwed_ , that is what you thought.

 

… No, that wasn't the first thing you thought. _God, I am so in love with you_. That is what you thought.

 

Your hands looked for his behind your back, you pinned them down above his head and started kissing him again. Your body was moving and you barely had any control over it, your abdomen pressing hard against his. It was driving you crazy how he moved so tenderly, how needy he felt beneath you. You wondered if he ever, actually, had been touched before. You pulled away from his mouth to catch your breath, when you heard a small, broken sound coming from his lips. - … _Don't._...-. You felt your heart break to pieces inside your chest, and you looked inside his eyes with a genuine fear shaking your knees, but never your gaze. His eyes were looking at the wall, eyelashes drawing thick black lines above his eyes. There was a feverish glimmer sparkling on them. Was he crying...?

\- Don't leave me alone, Testuo... _Don't._..-. He was barely breathing, trying to keep his emotions from staining his voice guilty red. You looked down at his chest and at the small marks you left on his neck, and felt a wave of hatred grow in the back of your head. - … I... won't.-, you muttered, and he stayed silent, not glancing once towards you. - … Then why are you doing this... to me?-. His voice failed him, breaking once and drowning his voice in a sigh. Youji's eyes moved shyly on your face, the emotion in his features shattering you. In his eyes, you could see it all: his _fear_. The reason you simply couldn't get close to him, the reason he was scared you would, and at the same time, the fear of never being close to you in the most painful way. It made you ache just knowing how much pain you both went through, how much _he_ went through, how much he could've used some shelter in your arms. Your eyes cold the same way they have always been, your stomach a black pit devouring you. 

Your pulse racing much faster than before, you moved in slowly and pressed your lips on his soft, fearful ones. Your grip on his wrists lightening to the point of almost disappearing, you lifted your body enough to allow him to breath. Gradually, the resistance of his muscles faded, your eyes were closed so you couldn't really see it, but felt his face soften. He felt warm, _so_ warm in your heart. The tip of his nose freezing cold, buried deep inside your cheek, your arms moved under his back to support him. You separated slowly, not wanting to give up the feeling his mouth gave you, but at the same time, needing to comfort him in a way you never comforted anyone. You rested your face in the nape of his neck, and lost track of time as you were floating in the scent of moon flower his pale body seemed to naturally have. His hands timidly raised to your back, one gently pulling your head closer. The blue light getting weaker by the minute, you closed your eyes and felt at peace with your own heart. The beat of his heart your new favourite song, you didn't dare move a muscle to don't break the way time stood still around you.

 

\- You're hard to forget.-, you whispered painfully close to his ear, and you felt chills running over his bare arms. His lips parted slowly, trying to find the words. - I...-, he started, but stopped after a short moment. He held you down much closer instead. - … Hold me forever.-, me murmured in your hair. Your heart squeezed by the need of kissing him again, your arms closed tighter around his thin waist. He let out a small breath, an unexpected sense of satisfaction growing within you.

\- I wouldn't let you go for the world.-.

 


End file.
